10 Reasons You Probably Don’t Need Me
We both want most days to feel like this for you – but before booking an appointment, consider whether you really need me.
Recommending avoiding me may seem like professional suicide. Like most people, I have a mortgage and bills to pay… but that doesn’t mean I’ll try and convince you to see me regardless of your situation. I’d definitely like to help you – but only if you genuinely need it, and there’s every chance you might.
There’s plenty of scientific research evidence to support a psychologists’ role in improving their patients well-being, but there’s also an abundance of professionals who recommend simple changes in lifestyle which can resolve both physiological and psychological conditions. Put simply, lifestyle can be a powerful factor in all aspects of health.
Please don’t think that unless you meet all of the following criteria you need a psychologist – nobody I know could honestly claim they manage all of these, and I certainly don’t. There are plenty of people who get by perfectly well without them, whilst others can work hard at every single one and still need support.
Each person is different, no two circumstances are the same, and everyone needs help at different times… but whilst the following are in no particular order – they are all important, all available for free, and should at least be considered before making an appointment. And if you still feel meeting me is necessary, then thanks to my ‘location’ page – you quite literally know where I am.
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1. Staying Connected...To the best of my knowledge we’re the only animals that can read. So if you’re making sense of this you’re human, which means you need to interact with other people. Whilst some of us enjoy our own company more than others, isolation can be a factor in depression, and vice versa. Sometimes all that’s needed to break this cycle is to spend time with friends and family. This may sound obvious, and it is! But it can be all too easy whilst juggling life to lose track of how long it’s been since you last made a meaningful social connection. This could of course be quality time with people you are already close to, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, mending rifts with a family member, making an apology, helping with someone else’s problem, contacting a friend you’ve not heard from in a while, or even striking up a conversation with a stranger can make a huge difference to our own mood and self-esteem.
2. Sleeping well...No matter how tough you are, we all need to rest. I used to overlook the importance of this one myself whilst studying, but the fact is that sleep is a foundation for your mental health, as well as your physical well-being. It may help you to think of it as ‘recharging’. It’s not always easy with the demands on our time – but a regular sleep pattern is ideal. Advice as to how long is needed varies, with most estimations being around seven to eight hours – however this is an average and will be different for everyone, and even this will alter at different stages of an individual’s life. So don’t necessarily focus simply on how many hours you are sleeping for, but instead simply whether it’s enough… or just as importantly, too much. This leads nicely into the next topic.
3. Getting **** done...Whilst I’ve only just stressed the importance of rest and sleep, what you achieve whilst you’re awake is also important. Whilst some of us care about our achievements more than others; feeling ‘useless’ or without a purpose is damaging to most people. So whilst you shouldn’t be too harsh on yourself, you shouldn’t be too easy on yourself either! Some circumstances are unavoidable, and any of us can be the victim of bad luck – but to some extent many situations can be controlled, or at least influenced by you. Decide what you want, and do nothing but your best to get it. Your goals can be huge and long-term so long as they are realistic, or manageable within just a few hours – but never underestimate the feeling of overcoming what appeared to be an overwhelming challenge, or even just ticking tiny completed tasks off a list… either will help to make you feel like you’re choosing your own path, rather than it being chosen for you.
4. You are what you eat...It’s a cliché, but it’s true! I’m a psychologist and not a nutritionist, but I don’t have to be a qualified dietician to understand the research that supports the idea that what you eat effects how you function and the way you feel significantly. This comes with the warning though not to base your decisions on the much repeated common wisdom regarding calories and food in general, as much of it is outdated and misguided. Do your research and make good decisions. If you stick to them, there’s every chance you’ll feel better within a short space of time… partly due to the nutritional benefits, but also due to the achievements and goal setting discussed above.
5. Exercising...Our lives have changed a lot since we built our own shelters by dragging or lifting materials. We’ve developed health and safety laws to avoid such efforts these days, and now have machines to do it for us. Similarly, dinner used to either mean running after it, digging it out of the ground, or climbing a tree to get it as oppose to just needing a few buttons and switches. We were designed to work much harder physically than most of us do. Intense exercise will of course make you physiologically healthier, but it will help your mental health too. It’s often difficult to get started, but take note of how you feel afterwards and remember it to help inspire you to make it part of your lifestyle.
6. ‘Me’ time...This is probably the best example of both me being a hypocrite, and of how it’s almost impossible to achieve everything on this list of suggestions at the same time. The idea of ‘me’ time is an important one as it essentially gives you the chance to do whatever it is that you want to do, which is definitely something you should try and find space in your life for… so long as it’s legal! This could be meditation, arts and crafts, or binge-watching box sets. In fact, ‘me’ time doesn’t have to be done solo – it could be making time to meet friends if that’s what you want to do, and not what they want you to do. So long as it’s your choice, research suggests that this alone could alleviate issues including anxiety and depression. The reason I mentioned this demonstrates me not taking my own advice, and that some ideas on this list contradict each other is to illustrate another important point – namely, that well-considered choices need to be made. There are unfortunately only so many hours in a day – so for a while studying for my doctorate alongside running a business meant that ‘getting **** done’ and taking enough ‘me’ time was impossible. The former was more important than the latter for me, and I felt better dedicating my time to that. For you it may be different though, so, think carefully about where your time is best spent.
7. ‘Us’ time...Those closest to us will vary for everyone. For some it will be their spouse, whilst for others it may be their parents, children… or even a pet. But these intimate relationships are important, and they require effort and time that is not always easy to find. Whilst too much time spent in their company can actually be the cause of psychological problems – these individuals and our relationships with them are in many ways the foundation of our physical and mental well-being, even though many of us might not like to admit it. Work on the bonds between you and those who matter most to you, and its very likely you’ll find your commitment is rewarded.
8. Creativity...Unfortunately the term ‘expressing yourself’ is often hijacked and used as an excuse for bad behaviour and a lack of consideration for others. But having a creative outlet is essential for many people and it gives them a chance to be themselves and to demonstrate their own personality. Most individuals like to be thought of as such, but that can be difficult when there is so much external pressure to standardise the way we function and work. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking creativity has to be in the form or art in a traditional sense, as you can show your personality in almost everything you do to some degree. Even this ‘Top 10’ list is an example; you’ve probably already noticed that the tone of my writing is not typical of a Psychologist? Well you’d be right… it’s not typical at all. But the down-to-earth and more relaxed approach represents me rather well, and so not only am I enjoying writing what I hope will be a helpful list – it should also help you to know whether I’m the best choice for you. So I’ve not only let myself be me, but I’ve let you know who I am through doing so. Try doing the same and you may find it helps you. And before you say ‘but I’m not creative’, you’re very likely to find this is not the case if you give yourself the chance to be.
9. Consider your medication...I can’t say this clearly enough… do not stop taking the medication you need. I’m merely suggesting you should consider whether you really need it. Of course there are conditions that can only be treated medically, and I am certainly not challenging that. But if you live healthily, this should lessen the need for prescribed medications. In many cases, the negatives side-effects of medications can outweigh the benefits, and the misuse of alcohol and marijuana is never helpful to mental health. It’s a wonderful thing that the stigma of being diagnosed with a mental health condition has all but vanished in recent years, and many lives will be saved and improved because of it… we must however be careful that it does not become fashionable, leading us to create problems that are not there.
10. Antisocial media...You don’t have to take my word for it… read the research for yourself. But social media can be damaging. This isn’t to say that it doesn’t have its benefits, in fact it can help greatly with the first entry on this list – as staying connected with friends and family is almost always a good thing. In fact, at the time of writing this the UK was in lockdown due to the COVID-19 virus, and social media provided a lifeline for the isolated and lonely. Social media has also brought deserving causes to the forefront of people’s minds, and enabled anyone to start a worthy campaign that would otherwise never gain attention to name but a few benefits. However, constantly comparing what you’re doing or what you own to everyone else’s posts is never likely to make you feel better about your own life. Nearly all of us spend most of our time doing the same mundane things as everyone else – but generally people post their best photo after a dozen retakes to get the perfect angle, doing the most amazing thing they’ve done all year… it’s had reality cropped out of it and then filtered to the extent they’d not even recognise themselves. Taking your day rushing through your untidy house to get to a job you were already bored with years ago, then comparing it with a fantasy snapshot is not helpful and creates unrealistic expectations. I’m not immune to social media, and you may well have found your way to this website via a Facebook promotion… so I’m not suggesting you necessarily delete all your accounts, but I would advise using them wisely, limiting your exposure, and remembering that a huge percentage of the online world is a show which doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
So…
If after reading this you’ve realised that you can support yourself and you don’t need me… you’re welcome, and I’m glad you found it beneficial. Should you feel it may be helpful to pass the list onto others, please feel free to do so. However, if you still feel you’d like an appointment, then you’ve not wasted your time as we’re very likely to discuss at least some of this during your session which you can click here to book.
